My heart breaks in anticipation

19 years ago today, I walked into the Harrisburg Hospital like I had done for at least 3x a week for the past 6 weeks.  But today was going to be the day, the day I had anticipated but also dreaded.  How can anyone dread the day their children would be delivered.  I dreaded it because for the past 6 weeks I had been warned that the outcome of my twin pregnancy was not going to result in healthy babies.  My girls were sick and from what I had been told was 80% of babies born with TTTS don't survive and of the ones who did, 2/3 of those would have severe mental or physical handicaps.  I was dreading having to see my girls suffer and there was the real possibility one of them might die.  I loved my girls!  We hadn't planned this pregnancy and certainly never anticipated twins.  But I loved them just as I loved our other 3 children and the thought of them being sick nor not coming home was devastating. .

TTTS is Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome.  A condition that effects the placenta in identical twin pregnancies.  A rare condition where the blood supply is shared.  Instead of conjoined twins, think of a conjoined placenta.  One twin typically feeds off the blood supply of the other twin.  One is overloaded and the other is starved of blood and oxygen. As a result one twin grows much larger than the other twin and the bigger twin will accumulate a high volume of fluid around her, whereas the other twin "the stuck twin" does not have the amniotic fluid and will become shrink wrapped in her own sac and does not grow properly. At that time, there was high infant mortality.  If caught early, selective abortion was the standard course of treatment, sacrificing one twin to save the other by severing the blood vessels that were joining the twins. I was not diagnosed until 24 weeks.  I wouldn't have considered it, and I'm glad it wasn't suggested.

Once I was diagnosed I was sent to a high risk specialist that would treat me by tapping the amniotic fluid off the bigger twin to make room for the smaller twin to grow.  It also would temporarily help equal out the blood flow.  I would have 9 taps of the next 6 weeks resulting in over 13000cc of fluid being removed, about the same as 6 -2 liter bottles of soda.

October 2, 1995, after an emergency visit over the weekend for not feeling the twins move, he made the call to deliver the girls.  All along there was this balancing act of deciding were they better off in the womb or out and when it became apparent that in the womb was no longer safe, they had to be delivered.  When I arrived at my appointment, the Dr. felt that the ultrasound revealed that the membrane that separated the girls had ruptured, Up until this point each girl was in their own amniotic sac, and he thought the ultrasound showed that because of repeated taps maybe the membrane was ruptured.  The concern was the girls would become tangled in each others cords, making my condition even more dangerous.  So at 31 week, they scheduled my delivery.

Snowy day

For first time this season we had an actual snow fall.... most people at this point in the year are ready for spring.  I, too, like spring,  I love the newness and pretty colors of spring.  But there is something about a fresh winter snow that makes my heart glad.  The clean, crisp blanket of fresh snow takes away the gray dreariness of winter.  The blahhhh that makes me depressed in the winter is lifted, though temporarily with a fresh coat of snow.    On the plus side, snow makes the kids want to go outside and trek around, making snowman, snow forts, which is a plus for me. Being a homeschooling family, we don't actually get snow days, we get to enjoy the weather as it happens and incorporate it into whatever we are doing anyways.   I just wish there was an easier way to get on the snowpants, coats, gloves, hats, scarves, extra socks, boots......ONCE that is accomplished they are set to play out side, for a total of about 10 minutes, when they are back in because the glove fell off, brother hit someone with a snowball and little sister's boot has snow in it.  Even after all that, the 10 minutes of peace is still worth it.  Now off to start the day, by wiping up the puddles brought in by the abominable snow kids.

When does a hungry child no longer matter?

I ask you to think about these situations and decide at what point do you say that child is no longer important. 

Your child comes home from school and tells you that they missed lunch today and they are starving  Would you feed that child?

  I am certain 100% of parents would feed their own child.

Your niece or nephew comes for a visit and informs you that they were in a hurry to get there and skipped breakfast and they are starving.  Would you feed this child?

Again I'm pretty sure 100% of you would feed that child, its family after all.

Your neighbor asks if you could pick up their child after school because they have to work late.  The child arrives and  he tells you he is starving.  Would you offer the child something to eat?

 I think close to 100% of you would feed that child.

You are walking down the street and notice a mother and her 2 small children sitting in front of a bus stop.  You overhear the younger child tell his mom that he is starving.  The mother explains she will try to find the child something to eat.  What do you do, is this where you stop caring about the child?

 Most of you, I think, would offer to feed that child.

I tell you of a child, 6 yrs old, who is orphaned and is responsible to find his own food.  He hasn't eaten in days.  His belly is distended, his eyes are lifeless.  He  barely has the energy to walk to the river to try to find water.  HE IS STARVING.  Is this where YOU stop caring?  

Children in the US will say they are starving, when we know they literally are just hungry.  Most people in our country have no idea what it means to be starving .  However, this is the reality of thousands, millions of children in Zimbabwe right now.  There is a terrible drought and little food available.  The UN has recently decided to stop sending food aid to millions of people in these drought ridden areas.  They need someone to care enough to help. 

AFCA is sending porridge.  I think to date, 8 or so tons have been sent and distributed.  But they need more.  Will you help a child you don't know, that isn't related, but is literally starving.   Please consider supporting AFCA.  Go to http://www.afcaids.org/ and donate to help a starving child.

dry river beds as far as the eye can see

Trust and service

Never did I imagine, that I would have the opportunity to travel 1/2 way around the world, work with an amazing group of people who selflessly devote their time to save the lives of thousands of orphaned children in a country so affected by HIV/AIDS.  Last June, I spend 2 weeks doing work that would forever change my perspective on humanity and what the world around me is supposed to look like.  

June 2013 will be my 2nd opportunity to travel to Zimbabwe and work with ZOE, Zimbabwean Orphan Empowerment Program, to distribute goats, chickens, rabbits, sheep and now pigs to children who will be able to build micro businesses and also feed themselves and their families.  

Tanya, the director of AFCA, mentioned she was returning to Zim to follow up on the progress of the last year, and immediately my heart was saying "go".  I managed to talk my husband into being OK with it.  As I got more excited about going back, problems arouse with funding my training.  I hesitated to book my trip, disheartened that the money wasn't going to be there for me to go.  Tanya, with her amazing faith, told me to go on faith and book the trip.  So I paid for the ticket and prayed.  I was told that ZOE would need about 1700.00 to fund the trainings that I would be going on, so now I had a goal.  

I started raising small amounts through my photography, believing that God would provide.  Again, how small my faith.  Tanya applied for funding through a program called Spark Change for Youth.  It was a voting contest for your favorite charity, the winners then were able to get a matching donation from Microsoft up to 100,000.  AFCA won enough votes to participating in the matching funds.   Once the donations were able to be accepted, it was just a matter of hours and all 100,000 was matched.  AFCA had raised enough money to fund not only my training, but several other projects.  And to top things off, Microsoft added another 100,000 to be matched .  Tanya posted a plea on Facebook that AFCA needed only 1000.00 to be the top recipient and would receive a bonus for raising the most money. Again, God is faithful and a donor pledged 1000.00.  All in all, AFCA earned 60,000 for the projects they support through Central and Southern Africa.  Thousands of children and families will benefit from the generosity of so many and Microsoft's matching donations.  

So in just a few months, again, I will have the amazing opportunity to see the hand of God at work in Zimbabwe and work to do a small part in being the hands and feet of Jesus.  

TIME....where does it go?

I am pathetic at the blog thing.  What the world?  Time goes by so fast, before you know it, winter is over, spring is on its way.  Weeds are already popping up in the flower beds... Whats up with that?  Seems like we just had Christmas!  And when I look at my blog it was just Christmas!    Time flies, kids grow, wrinkles appear overnight.  Lucky for me my oldest daughter is a hair stylist and keeps me from looking old AND gray.

7 years. 7 years, WOW.  That is how long ago it was that God impressed on my husband's heart that our family wasn't complete.  I, on the other hand, had known that for some time  (lest I say years...)  but he wasn't on board until I released my grip on what I wanted and turned it over to God to show me what He wanted.  And viola... we were on our way to foster care training, CPR training, homestudy, interviews, child proofing our home, etc. We prepared ourselves for a 3-4 yr old little girl, being that we had all girls home at the time and knew we couldn't have older boys for lack of space...Little did we know that God had already chosen our children and had everything under control.  6 months passed until we got our approval letter, stating we were an approved foster care home, noon on a thrusday afternoon.

2pm the phone rang and on the other end our placement coordinator called asking me if we would accept  5 and 1/2 month old twin!  I laugh out loud in disbelief at how small my faith really was.   By 6pm our family had grown from 7 to 9.   Did you catch that?  We began our foster care journey 6 months before we got the call to add the twins to our family, 5 1/2 month old twins.  Timing is everything.  God's timing is EVERYTHING.   He knew the children that would join our family, he was putting in place what needed to be done, at just the right time, for just the right purpose.  9 months later on 7/7/07, our youngest was born, soon to join  her older siblings and too become a part of our forever family.  1 year and 11 months. all 3 were adopted.  We are now a family of 10 plus a son in law and 2 beautiful grandchildren.

Time...goes so quickly.  But if we commit our time to the Lord, trust His will in our life, we hopefully surrender to His timing 

Holidays...I love Christmas, the idea of Christmas, the music, the smells, the baking, the activities, not so much the shopping and I really do despise the wrapping.  With 8 children, son-in-law, 2 grandbabies, husband, extended families, spending gets out of control.  But I do look forward to the anticipation of Christmas.  I am a giver, I like to give to those I love, but it gets expensive.  I spend most of the time thinking I haven't gotten enough and then after all is said and done, realize I once again over did it.  Gifts go un-played with, or not worn.  Things get returned, exchanged and all the decorations go back into the basement. I usually keep the lights and garland up for a few months after Christmas, just because its a pain to take down.  One thing I realize is as I get older and my family gets older, is its not about the giving of gifts but the receiving of the ultimate gift of Christmas... Christ himself.  Christ birth is the reason Christmas exists and as the country and world grow farther and farther from that truth... I realize that I need to grower closer to the reason for the season and not worry about if I have gotten enough gifts, or the right gifts, but that I embrace the real gift, the Birth of a Savior.

Life changing... Changing Lives

Wow, life really gets away from you doesn't it?  Or I should say it got away from me.  Time flies.  Africa was life changing.  I spent 2 weeks working with an organization called ZOE, distributing goats to children who have been orphaned by AIDS.  I conducted several trainings on goat care and  health issues.  Since my return I have had several updates that the goats are doing great, reproducing and providing invaluable nutrition to children who have very little.  Everyone should travel to a 3rd world country once in their life.  I think the world would be a changed place if that were the case.  Once you see how truly blessed we are to live in the wealthiest country in the world, you soon realize how unimportant our "stuff" really is.  The people of Zimbabwe are a spiritual people who trust God for EVERY THING.  Not just in crisis, not when life gets hard..life is always hard but they love their families and they do what they can.  This is their life and they know no other way to live.  I hope to go back in the near future.  We all can make a difference if we give just a little of ourselves.   .Visit www.AFCAids.org to see how you can help.